When Grief Shows Up as Stuff: Understanding the Link Between Loss and Hoarding

National Grief Awareness Week reminds us that loss comes in many forms  and so do the ways we cope. While many people associate grief with tears, sadness, or withdrawal, one lesser-known response is holding on to possessions long after they’re helpful or needed.

For some, hoarding isn’t about mess or disorganisation, it’s about pain, protection, and fear. It’s about clinging to something solid when life feels like it’s falling apart.

Below is the story of one of our Buried in Treasure participants that brings this to life. The request of the client the name has been changed.

Grief shows up in different ways

Sarah’s Story -  When Loss Builds Up Around You

Sarah never considered herself a collector. Her home had always been tidy, warm, and filled with things that mattered. But everything changed after she lost her mum.

Clearing her childhood family home was overwhelming. Rather than charity or tip runs, Sarah brought home “just a few more boxes” of her mum’s belongings. Clothes, books, recipe cards, costume jewellery… all reminders of the woman she loved deeply. Plus items that reminded her of her own childhood. She told herself she’d sort it all “one day,” but the thought of letting anything go felt like losing her mum all over again.

Then, six months later, Sarah’s marriage ended. The house suddenly felt too quiet, too big, too full of memories she wasn’t ready to face. Her teenagers visited less often as they grew up and moved into their own lives. Every change, every goodbye, added another layer of grief.

And with each layer came more things.

A chair she couldn’t part with because her mum sat in it. Baby clothes from her children that she kept in case she became a grandmother. In addition to buying extra items for when she had grandchildren. Plus holding on to boxes of paperwork from her divorce that she couldn’t bear to look at. Every item felt like a piece of her past, a life that had slipped away faster than she could process.

Sarah wasn’t lazy. She wasn’t messy. She was grieving. What looked like “clutter” to others felt like safety to her.

The thought of letting anything go felt like losing her mum all over again.

Support That Goes Beyond Decluttering

When Sarah finally reached out for support, she feared she’d be judged or told to “just throw things away.” But what she found instead was understanding.

A member of the Red Squirrel sat with her, not just clearing surfaces but listening, really listening, to her grief, her fears, and her story. Together they explored why letting go felt so difficult and how each item was tied to a loss she hadn’t fully processed. Then signed up for the Buried in Treasure which is  more than just a course; it’s a compassionate community journey. Backed by research and designed to promote, small, manageable steps, the programme helps individuals gain insight into their behaviours and build new habits, with the encouragement of others facing similar challenges. 

Slowly, Sarah began to feel ready. She chose a few meaningful keepsakes from her mum rather than keeping everything. She began organising her home, one small space at a time. She learned grounding skills for moments of overwhelm. And for the first time in years, she felt hopeful.

Her home didn’t change overnight, grief recovery never works that way. But she no longer felt alone in it. She understood her patterns, and she had tools and people to support her through the emotional work.

Why Grief & Hoarding Need to Be Talked About

Hoarding disorder is often misunderstood, but behind the piles and boxes there is almost always a story. A story of grief, trauma, anxiety, fear, or loneliness.

People don’t choose to hoard. They cope by hoarding.

This National Grief Awareness Week, we are raising awareness of the powerful connection between loss and possessions, and reminding people that support exists - compassionate, respectful, non-judgemental support that focuses on emotional healing, not just bin bags.

How You Can Support Our Work

As a CIC, Red Squirrel OT rely on community kindness to continue offering workshops, 1:1 support, and group programmes like Buried in Treasure, which helps people understand their relationship with possessions, rebuild routines, and process the emotions underneath.

If you can:

Donate – every contribution helps us offer places to those who can’t afford support. 

Share our posts – awareness saves shame, and shame keeps people silent.

Join our workshops – or refer someone who would benefit.

Together we can help people, like Sarah, rebuild their lives gently, safely, and without judgement.